On Becoming Me

So my “Fat Friend” post has gotten a lot of feedback. Thank you for having the courage to share your struggles and how they’ve affected you. We’re all in this together. I wanted to expand on this because there’s something I’m guilty of and maybe you are too. I tend to compare myself. When I see something that’s thin, I think they must have it figured out. They’ve got to have it all together. After all, they have what I want…a thin body. But I know from personal experience that being thin doesn’t make you happy. So why do I still compare myself?

There is a particular woman in my TurboKick class who seems to push all my “not good enough” buttons. She’s in great shape, knows all the moves and wears cute workout gear. I haven’t been doing the class very long and feel clumsy, fat and frumpy by comparison. So I have a whole story about this woman…who I’ve never even spoken to, by the way. She thinks she’s better than me. She wishes I’d just get out of her way so she could get a good workout. She can’t believe I’m even in this class. What a bitch! If I let those thoughts get to me…and sometimes I do…I want to cry and give up. But here’s the kicker; she’s not doing anything. I’m allowing the buttons I already have from some past experience to be pushed by a woman I don’t even know. It seems so ridiculous when you look at it that way.

A couple of years ago when I was going to the gym all the time I admired those women who had the perfect body. I thought if I could just be like them, everything would be okay. As if they don’t struggle with weight and body issues. Why would they? They’re thin. But what I’ve discovered is that being thin doesn’t give you an automatic hall pass out of self-loathing. In fact, the pressure to stay thin is often more damaging to ones self-esteem than not being thin at all. Think about it. If you’re convinced your level of acceptance and lovability is tied to the way your body looks, imagine the pressure to stay looking that way no matter what.

We all admire or envy those women who have that perfect body. But have you ever stopped to think what they go through? We believe they’re so healthy and we are not. But I’ve known women, who although they look great, do not feel great about themselves. And they use unhealthy means to stay looking that way because they’re so afraid of what will happen if they gain weight. I was there at one point too and the lengths we will go to are unbelievable. Purging, using laxatives, starving ourselves, extreme exercise. We can’t let ourselves off the hook for a second! If you’ve never done this to yourself, imagine what it must be like.

Thin people aren’t immune to the problems the rest of us deal with. They are unhappy, lonely, have trouble with their kids, are in debt, have low self-esteem, hate their jobs, are in unhealthy relationships…the list goes on and on. So the next time you’re tempted (as I am) to compare yourself to someone else, just remember, everyone is battling their own demons. The woman in my exercise class doesn’t have it easier just because she’s fit. Thin doesn’t equal happiness. Self-love and self-acceptance do.