Thought for the Day

Life is like a roller coaster. One minute you’re on top of the world, hands in the air, smile on your face…and the next minute you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, holding on for dear life, and just praying you don’t pee your pants.

And yes…you can quote me on that!

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What Are These Cats Trying to Tell Me?

Having spent yesterday on the water, seeing all kinds of animals and communing with nature, I thought this was the perfect time to write about cats. If you’re confused, bear with me…this will all come together. I promise.

Here is where you get to see exactly how weird I am. I mostly keep this part of me under wraps. Or at least I try. But honestly it is just so exhausting. And I did agree to be more open and authentic in this blog. So here I am. Flying the weirdness flag high and proud!

Napping in my chair

For more than a year my back yard has become the hang out for the neighborhood cats. I don’t have any cats myself. Not that I don’t like cats. I don’t really have any feelings about them one way or the other. But the last year I’ve had a hard enough time taking care of myself so it felt irresponsible to take on the care of another living being. Not counting my teenage son…I have to provide for him no matter what. Thankfully he doesn’t ask for much.

Peaking in the window

Back to the cats. For all of last summer I was perplexed. Why are these cats hanging out in my backyard? Granted, I do have the best climbing trees in the neighborhood. Because I grew up surrounded by trees and I love them, I’m one of the few residents who didn’t cut them down. But it’s not just the trees they like. Mostly they’re hanging out on the deck or the front porch catching a nap in the sun. They could do that anywhere.

I should also mention I am not feeding them. That’s not why they come around. And before you decide

Relaxing on our old trampoline (aka very big kitty bed)

I’m a terrible person for not feeding these poor cats, let me assure you they all look pretty well taken care of. They belong to someone. They have homes. Yet they seem to like it here. Two, three, four…up to six at a time. They’re like teenagers who somehow decided this is the cool house. So they hang out, play, sleep. They’re very similar to teenagers actually. Except they’re not eating my food.

I do believe everything is connected and that there’s always a reason for what happens in our lives. So I started looking up the meaning of cats. There are quite a few, but this one really struck me from http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/cat.htm.

Mystery, Magic and Independence

A cat totem encourages agility in both body and mind.
You will be challenged with new ideas and places.
The cat gives you clearer perception.

This spirit helper is resourceful, strong and fearless.
It will give you courage and confidence.

Examine the colors, character and behaviors of your Cat.
Everything about it will reflect in your own life.

When a Cat becomes predominant in your life,
magic and mystery come alive.

I have to admit, this last year has been pretty magical. Even if I didn’t see it as magic at the time. And I have definitely been challenged with new ideas.

Last fall I was telling my friend Shari about this crazy cat phenomenon and she said, “Have you ever asked the cats why they’re there?” And I realized I hadn’t. I mean, it really hadn’t occurred to me. They’re cats. But when she said that I was curious. So I came home. And asked them. Why not? And I swear one of them looked me right in the eyes and said, “So you’ll know you’re not alone.” I don’t mean out loud. Cats can’t talk. Not in real life anyway. Not in words we understand. It was more of a message I got in my mind, or my heart. Animals do have something to teach us and they come into our life for a reason. We just need ask and then pay attention to their messages.

That was the last time I questioned their presence. I know you don’t believe it. I don’t expect you to. But that’s the way it happened. You may find it weird I get messages from cats. Maybe what’s weird is you don’t.

The cat who ‘spoke’ to me

It Had to Happen This Way

Thank You (Photo credit: thoughtfulbeliever)

Recently I came across an old email from the man I once believed was the love my life…my soulmate. I wasn’t looking for it. I was searching for something else. I thought for a moment about not opening it. Just going on my way. But it had been a while. And I was curious. You know how that goes.

His words were so sweet. My heart softened as I read them. It was from the beginning of our relationship, a time so full of hope and promise. A time when we both believed we would be together forever. A time when we thought we had found that ever-elusive fairytale in our love for one another.

Some would argue (and have) that I should delete those emails so I won’t be reminded of the pain I felt when that relationship suddenly ended. I see their point. No one wants to feel bad. But I look at it differently. Just because the relationship ended doesn’t mean I have to close the door on those feelings. Love isn’t so black and white. And sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly low, it’s nice to be reminded that someone loved me that much. If only for a short time.

It’s been two years today since he broke my heart. I’m not focusing on it, but it’s there…lurking around in the back of my mind. The anniversaries of significant life events are hard to shake. Maybe you’re not supposed to. Daphne Rose Kingma wrote in her book, Coming Apart, “Next to the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship is the single most emotionally painful experience that any of us ever goes through.” I can attest to that.

Sometimes I’m still angry with him. He handled it so poorly. But in his defense, there was really no way he could have ended things that I would’ve agreed with. I didn’t want it to end. And yet, there are moments now I feel I should thank him. When I lost the thing I thought was most important to me, when I no longer had someone to focus my attention on, I was forced to focus on me.

So much has changed in the last two years. I’ve taken risks and challenged myself in ways I previously hadn’t though possible. I’ve realized I have a calling as a writer. This blog is a direct result of experiencing something so painful I felt my whole world was falling apart. I am also completing a course to become a life coach. A course I had no idea when I signed up how I would pay for. I’m leaving my current job to find more fulfilling work. I’m still scared all the time, but now I don’t let that stop me. Life is short. What you think will last forever can be gone in an instant.

I still feel sadness from time to time. And I often miss having him in my life. It hasn’t been easy, but I know it had to happen this way. Though I would not have chosen this path, I am grateful for where it has led me–and for the person I continue to become.