On Becoming Me

You’ve heard the phrase before, “time heals all wounds.” I think it’s been said so long and so often by so many we don’t even question it. But is it really true? Does time really heal everything? Or is that just what people tell you when they’re uncomfortable with your pain?

I think what bothers me most about what this statement implies is that there will supposedly come a day when you will never feel that pain again. You’re healed! Hallelujah! And if after said magical period of time you haven’t ‘gotten over it’, well, there must be something wrong with you. But I just don’t think it works that way. No matter how much time has passed or how much work I’ve done, it seems there are still days when the pain comes flooding back. I’ll be doing my thing, minding my own business, and suddenly something sparks a memory. A good memory. And, like an unexpected storm on a sunny afternoon, I find myself in a torrential downpour of emotions.

Often the pain is accompanied by a chorus of thoughts such as, “what’s wrong with you?” And “you should be over this by now.” And for a split second I am tempted to swallow the tears and push on through my day. But I know resisting the pain won’t make it go away. Resisting only tightens its grip. Actually, the opposite is true. It’s when I give in to the sadness, the grief, the sorrow–when I lean into the pain–that it is able to move through me.

If you’re reading this and are concerned I’m wallowing, I’m not. I believe there’s a reason for everything. Even when we can’t see it or understand it. Even when it hurts us. And most days now I can see that dark cloud’s silver lining. Can I recognize the positive things that have happened since that day? Of course! Am I grateful for the many amazing people who’ve come into my life as a result of this new path? Absolutely! Does the pain still bring me to my knees from time to time? It does.

So does time really heal all? I guess it depends on how you define ‘healed’. It is my belief you will never be the same again. That experience will always be a part of the person you are. There are just some things in life that leave you forever changed. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never be happy again. I’ve discovered pain and happiness can coexist. Each weaving in and out of your life creating the tapestry of you. I don’t believe you get over anything…I believe you go through it, and feel it, and talk about it, and little by little you start to feel joy again. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen. In its own time. Really.