On Becoming Me

So I started my blog and posted it on Facebook for all the world to see. I finally did something I’ve been saying I was going to do for a long time. Years, really. What a sense of accomplishment! What a sense of pride! What the hell was I thinking? Just like that, the fear set in and panic ensued. How can I keep this up? How will I find things to write about on a regular basis? Do I really have anything of value to say? And on and on it goes. You know the deal…those little voices in your head grab hold of that fear and run with it. Before you know it you are completely convinced ‘they’ are right. You really don’t have what it takes and you should just cut your losses and walk away. Whew! Crisis averted!

Ok, wait…stop and think this through. Why is it that every time I get really excited about something new and daring, I have the uncanny ability to talk myself right out of it? Let’s face it…I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll fail or do something stupid or not finish what I started. And for most of my life, I’ve let fear stop me. I’ve listened to those voices as if they were real and followed their instructions to the letter. And then I kick myself because I’m not doing what I really want to do.

I used to think there were two kinds of people in the world. The kind like me, who were scared of everything and always played it safe. And the ‘other people’. You know the ones. Those amazing individuals who are able to accomplish great things and push themselves to new heights. I was convinced they weren’t afraid of anything. Then I read Susan Jeffer’s book, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. In it she says it isn’t that other people don’t feel afraid, they do. It’s just that it never occurred to them to let that fear stop them.

Wait a minute…hold the phone! You’re telling me everyone has fear? Somehow I was convinced other people don’t struggle with it the way I do. I believed ‘they’ have it easier. That somehow I’m different; it’s harder for me. I have more obstacles to overcome. Less time, energy, money. You’ve thought that, right? Don’t tell me you haven’t. I’ve played the victim often enough to know what it looks like.

Fear is a part of life and I don’t imagine the voices are going away. The only thing I can do is continue to recognize them for what they are and not let them stop me. It’s not easy, but it’s really the only way to live an authentic life. And the coolest thing is, the more you push through your fear, the less it has a hold on you. On the road to becoming me, at least for today, it’s me-1, fear-0. I’ll take that!