On Becoming Me

I’ve been asking myself a lot lately, “who am I, really?” Am I the me I’ve been being all these years or I am someone else entirely? Or some odd mix of who I show people and my authentic self. I know it sounds strange…we all think we know who we are. But if you really stop and question yourself, is this who you honestly want to be? I mean it…stop right now and look at who you’re being in this world. I know this is a sobering thought, but if this were the end, would you be able look back and say “I showed the world who I really was”? Or are you going through life wearing the masks of who you think you should be; trying to hide or cover up aspects of yourself you think people won’t accept?

I’m not saying it’s easy…it does take a fair amount of work. Sometimes I wish becoming myself was like baking a cake. You follow the recipe, put in the correct ingredients, mix it all together, bake for a specific amount of time and…wa-la! The timer dings and you have a cake; all sweet, warm and delicious…just the way it’s supposed to be. If you follow the directions, there is never a time you will open the oven door to find anything other than a cake. But life doesn’t work that way. There is no recipe, no specific amount of time to ‘bake’, no moment when you’re actually ‘done’. Sigh.

I remember when I did my first workshop with Debbie Ford. The Shadow Process is a weekend workshop in San Diego that changed my life in so many incredible ways. It opened me up to a whole new way of looking at myself…and it was excruciating! Don’t get me wrong…there were many highs during that weekend as I discovered I’m okay just as I am. And I connected with so many amazing souls trying to find their way in the world just as I was. But this whole new self-awareness thing was hard work. I wanted to know when I’d be done with it so I could get on with the business of living my life.  That’s when one of the coaches uttered a phrase I’ll never forget. As we waited in the hotel lobby for the shuttle to the airport she said, “You’ll be done when you’re dead…bummer!” Seriously? That was not at all the answer I was looking for. But all these years later it’s something I’ve never forgotten.

So when I’m tempted to focus on ‘getting there’…wherever I think ‘there’ is, I remember what she said that day. You will never get to a place where you’re done. The timer isn’t going to go off one day and you’ll magically be the person you think you want to be. This is a process and it changes as you grow and change. I think the trick is not to be focused on the destination, but to be in each day as much as you can. The learning is in the journey and the things you discover about yourself along the way. There is no there…there is only right here, right now.

I’ll make you a deal. As I continue to uncover the real me, I’ll share it with you. YIKES! What am I saying? Even as I write this I’m tempted to delete it. Okay…deep breath here. This is what scares me. I know it’s possible once you really know me, you won’t like me. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Because I’m hoping that you can use my experiences as a guide on your own authentic journey. There’s only one amazing, wonderful, unique you; with all your gifts and talents; faults and foibles. If I have the courage to be open and honest about who I am, maybe you will too. And I know THAT, more than anything else, will change the world. Are you ready? Let’s do this!